cut loose



let's talk hair for a minute. well, first off, is there anything more disgusting than finding hair in your food? note to Orange County-ers: never (NEVER) go to that Thai restaurant off La Paz and Marguerite because they top their food with hair as a garnish. no joke, my fiance and I went there and BOTH of us found hairs in our food. barf. but, now onto the hair on my head...the kind that stays there...until I get crazy and decide to chop it off.



last summer i decided that i was going to cut my hair.

i’ve never had short hair. well, ok. there was those couple years when i was about 5 and lived in bright pink spandex shorts and minnie mouse t’s and survived off of popsicles that i had a little bob cut. oh, and bangs that started half-way back my head. yikes. thanks mom! but for the years in which yearbook pictures were auditions for “cool” i have always had long hair.


Me with long hair (and my best friend/only reader)



as this past summer approached, i was ready for change. summer evokes that carefree, breezy vibe that i can’t get enough of. so much so that i usually have to be careful and staple myself to the carpet or else i’d be apt to sell everything and move to india or somewhere else equally as foreign to me because i like sleeping in and bbqs and somehow that equates in my mind to “life is carefree and just one big adventure sans responsibilty.” wait, it’s not? bills come, stress, plans for the future, savings accounts and then i’m back to reality. sort of. i want to live in that space always. yes, take care of business. duh. but come on, people...charge after your dreams even if you’re convinced that you’ll fall flat on your face because you’re bound to fill up photo albums with the memories you make on the way down.

a new look. it would symbolize the brand-spanking-new season i was (am) inching my way into. i’m cliff-diving off of the edge of 23(almost 24)-year-old reason and i can’t wait to be breathless when i see the new ground God has prepared for me. at the time I was thinking of cutting my hair, i was applying for jobs that would require some suitcases and i felt an itch in my heart to start gathering cardboard boxes. i was ready to be reckless.

you know what? i’m sure i will look ridiculous when i’m 80, but i’ve found the man i want to be totally outrageous looking right along side me…the same fella who will accompany me to hometown buffet at 4pm for a dinner date…and who i know will think i’m beautiful until the day i’m made glorious. being totally head-over-super-cute-heels in love gave me that extra little boost of courage i needed to let my hair dresser snip-snip away at my golden vanity. if it was awful, Bee would wipe my tears as i mourned the loss of my locks and let me borrow a hat...or a pillow case...whatever was needed to cover up the tragic mess that might occur.

so. i. did. it. 

palms sweaty, i jumped in the chair and instructed him to "go for it". in what seemed like an eternity as i anxiously awaited the fate of my face, he swirled me around in the chair (and handed the assistant a mop to wipe up the puddle of sweat beneath me--kiding..kinda) to show me the new look. there was no going back. INCREDIBLE. i had a a new cut framing my face and finally the ability to feel the wind brush my neck during the summer. i constantly ran my hands through the little hair i had and would crack a smile every time. i was free...and loving every sweet second of it.

so, did my cute new cut and I move far away? no. i'm still here, but now i'm engaged and planning a wedding and getting ready to begin (continue) building the life Bee and i started on our first date. when you know, honey, you know. p.s. that's definitely not just something married people (or your grandma) say...it's the real deal. my hair is now growing out, but the way it changed me...the way it changed where i get my confidence from (let's make one thing clear: it has nothing to do with my appearance)...is still with me.

 that hair cut was a reminder that things change. big changes. small changes. such is life. but sometimes it’s the changes…the struggle…the removal of old things…that show your beauty off in ways you have long since forgotten or failed to ever notice was there in the first place.